I’ve become obsessed with the writings and lectures of Dr. Oliver Sacks. Not only was the man absolutely delightful – he had a sense of humor that often causes me chuckle through the lines of his essays and books – he was one of our greatest minds and a break-your-heart beautiful writer.

Sacks, a British neurologist and author, had an insatiable curiosity at what his website describes as “the far borderlands of neurological experience”. Through his writings for the general public, Sacks described for us conditions such as Tourette’s syndrome, Parkinsonism, migraines and musical hallucinations, phantom limb syndrome, schizophrenia, and Alzheimer’s disease. He explored what it meant to be a conscious individual and how our brains make us who we are. Dr. Sacks wrote and lectured about these things so we could understand them, infecting his audience with that same sense of awe one might experience when learning something new about the universe. 

Writing case histories, where he described the challenges and the unique gifts of his patients, he did not leave himself out of his explorations. Sacks was afflicted with prosopagnosia, or what is called face blindness. This meant he was not only unable to recognize friends and family by their faces, but he was also unable to recognize himself in a mirror or a window. He wrote a fun piece for The New Yorker on the subject. In addition to writing humorously about not being able to recognize himself (or the street where he lived), Sacks made no secret of the fact that he also experimented with drugs in the 60s and once explained that he had quite a fascination with the color Indigo.

“I had been reading about the color indigo, how it had been introduced into the spectrum by [Isaac] Newton rather late, and it seemed no two people quite agreed as to what indigo was, and I thought I would like to have an experience of indigo. And I built up a sort of pharmacological launchpad with amphetamines and LSD, and a little cannabis on top of that, and when I was really stoned I said, ‘I want to see indigo now.’ And as if thrown by a paintbrush, a huge pear-shaped blob of the purest indigo appeared on the wall.” – Interview with NPR’s Fresh Air.

One of my favorite essays, first published in the New York Times, is Mishearings – an essay about the sentences and words one might mistakenly experience with the onset of deafness.

“Only in the realm of mishearing — at least, my mishearings — can a biography of cancer become a biography of Cantor (one of my favorite mathematicians), tarot cards turn into pteropods, a grocery bag into a poetry bag, all-or-noneness into oral numbness, a porch into a Porsche, and a mere mention of Christmas Eve a command to “Kiss my feet!”

So, in my attempts at learning everything Sacks, and the pursuant reason for this post, I listened to a podcast on RadioLab – WNYC which featured recorded audio files of conversations between Sacks and his partner Bill Hayes during the last months of Sacks’ life. Sacks was diagnosed with cancer in January 2015 which had originated years earlier as a melanoma in his eye but had then spread to his liver. He was given only months to live. For me, as well as the hosts of that podcast, the remarkable thing about these audio files is that they share Sacks in the realm of his thinking process as he wrote.

Often whispering and talking out loud to himself as he penned his essays, I listened to what sometimes appeared to be the man speaking to his muse as he searched for the proper, the absolute proper, word to use.

Sacks was prolific and at the end of his life his focus and concentration only intensified. He scratched off pages of writings and plowed through numerous ink cartridges (he wrote by hand with a fountain pen) as he worked to get his thoughts on paper. As Hayes explained during the RadioLab interview, Sacks’ immediate response to his prognosis was to write. This got me to thinking, what would I write if I knew the date of my death? What would you write? What would you paint? Create? And would we need to be given a death sentence to do so?

Dr. Oliver Sacks passed away from cancer on August 30 2015 at his home in Manhattan NYC at the age of 82. He was given the title of “The Poet Laureate of Medicine” by the New York Times and he gave us such books as “The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat”, “Gratitude”, and posthumously (compiled by the musings captured in Hayes’ audio files) “The River of Consciousness”. His work was adapted for film in the 1990 movie with Robin Williams and Robert De Niro, entitled “Awakenings”. His many essays were published by the New York Times, The New Yorker, The Atlantic and many more to numerous to mention. You can listen to his lecture on “What Hallucinations Reveal About Our Minds” on TED.

Lisa Mikulski is an international writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me and let’s write your story.

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While I’ve seen a lot of my work online – graphic design, photography, and writing – there is nothing quite so satisfying as holding something you created in your hands. Some of my favorite days are those when the new issue of Venü Magazine arrives in my mailbox. There’s that satin soft cover, a beautiful interior layout, and the articles are always compelling. In its entirety, the magazine is high-end and luxurious.

This issue of Venü showcases my cover story on artist Yayoi Kusama. Many know her as the “Princess of Polka Dots” but I find that title to be demeaning. If you knew about her past, her work, her extraordinary living conditions and the breathe of her career, you’d understand that Kusama is more than polka dots and fans taking selfies in her installations. In this issue of Venü you can get a taste for Kusama’s art and life. Photography is courtesy of the Yayoi Kusama Museum in Japan and there is also a special message from Kusama to humanity.

You can read Venü Magazine at Issuu.com (embed blow). There you will find my piece on Yayoi Kusama, as well as a second piece I wrote, Boston: In Support of Art, Expanding and Embracing Art and Culture. There is also enjoyable reading on The State of the Global Art Market, A Week in Portugal, Chef Dustin Valette, and so much more.

I know, I know … In accessing the link you aren’t able to hold the magazine in your hands. Not the same! You can find the print issue along the east coast in luxury hotels, restaurants, private jet terminals, museums, galleries, yacht clubs, country clubs, and boutiques. Venü also partners with top art fairs, design shows, yacht shows, wine+gourmet food events, and charity fundraising events. We are thrilled to be a media partner for Boston’s Design Week 2018, April 4 – 15.

If you are in the Boston area and wish to find out more on how you can get involved with Venü or be a distribution point, please contact me.

Lisa Mikulski is an international writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me and let’s write your story.

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Last night’s AD20/21 2018 Gala was a fantastic evening. April showers brought the who’s who of art and design into the beautiful historic Cyclorama building on Tremont Street in Boston. Delicious food, wine, champagne, art, and home furnishings … who could ask for more?

I attended with Venü Magazine‘s publisher, Tracey Thomas, for a celebration of Boston’s Design Week which runs through the 15th of this month. 100% of ticket proceeds from the Gala went to support the ASID New England Scholarship Fund. ASID New England recognizes the outstanding achievements of local undergraduate and graduate students by awarding scholarships to help them complete their interior design education.

Here are some photos from the show:

Lisa Mikulski is an international writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me and let’s write your story.

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It is something that many of us might aspire to – the adventure and romance of living abroad. And while for some it is all of that, with travel to nearby foreign countries, new friends and new languages, there are ways in which living abroad can break your heart – no matter how effortlessly you have managed to fit in to your host country.

Being away means exactly that. So when there are weddings, graduations, births, or funerals which take place in your home country and you can’t go, either due to work or financials, it can be a devastatingly lonely event for those who have chosen to live in another country. It might not even be something as traumatic as a death or as joyful as a marriage. It could simply be that one day you are walking down the street and are struck by a feeling – an all consuming heart-wrenching knowledge that someone you love very dearly is 3,582 miles away.

I remember having such an experience one grey February day as I stepped off the tram in Gothenburg. I was unexpectedly assaulted by the fact that I desperately missed my sons. The feeling of loneliness nearly brought me to my knees. Just like that. A punch in the gut – a random heartache in the middle of the street.

Social media makes it easy to converse with friends and family, and it’s wonderful for sharing photos, but there is nothing in the world quite like being able to physically hug someone who misses you. There is the close emotional connection of sitting together and looking into the eyes of someone who needs you or holding the hand of someone who loves you. We tend to take these things for granted. We tend to believe that we will always be there and that there will always be a way to get back home.

People may think, and some will flat out tell you, that your choice to reside in another country is selfish. Perhaps it is. But while you are living in Sweden, or Spain, or France … life back home continues on without you. This is something one who lives abroad is acutely aware of. People get sick. People get married, have babies. Children grow up, graduate college, and meet the love of their life. Parents get older. Friends go their separate ways.

So before you pack your bags, make sure you have an ample – a very ample – savings account so that the chances of you having to say “No I can’t come” are less. And while you are home, never forget the value of the person sitting next you.

This piece was edited and republished here from 2sweden4love.com – a site on living abroad in Sweden.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me and let’s write your story.

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No one teaches us how to think. It’s not something we learn in high school and it’s not until perhaps college where we may be instructed as to the fine art of critical thinking or logic and philosophy. Many of us make important decisions based on emotional thinking.

Several months ago, friends and I were sitting around my strangely colored living room drinking cocktails and discussing the state of things. “Things” in this case would be politics, divisions between genders and society, physics, magic, writing – we frequently have such discussions here in Boston. We are not afraid of expressing opinions and having gentle (sometimes not so gentle) debate.

I can’t remember the exact topic of conversation at the time but my son who is a student of physics at UMass Boston said to me, “Why are you always so certain about things?”

I was taken aback. And a bit offended. But mostly taken aback. I didn’t know how to respond to him.

The question he asked comes from his training as a scientist. Scientists question the questions. Kyler is extremely apt in questioning questions and everything else for that matter, but this particular question somehow lodged itself in my brain and has become a fundamental anchor point in my journey to greater self awareness.

Richard Feynman, a professor of theoretical physics and Nobel Prize winner, said, “It is imperative in science to doubt; it is absolutely necessary, for progress in science, to have uncertainty as a fundamental part of your inner nature. To make progress in understanding, we must remain modest and allow that we do not know.”

So, bare with me a moment and let’s talk about how scientific thinking can be used to soften the hard assumptions we may have about current events or personal situations.

Science concerns itself with observation, data, and later the creation of theories based upon those observations and data. These theories are checked and rechecked. Sometimes experiment and new data comes along and the theories are re-evaluated, updated, or changed completely.

There are certain things that we know for sure – for instance, that the earth is round and that it obits the sun. The speed of light is a constant. These truths are things upon which we can build greater knowledge. They are the bottom-line hard-core facts and from here we can move forward.

We, as non-scientists, often build our ideas and opinions on bias, prejudices, assumptions, beliefs. To state these assumptions, prejudices, and beliefs as fact does not serve us. It limits our ability to see further and learn something new. It affects the nature and accuracy of our interactions with others. We, as Feynman said, need to remain modest and we need to be smart.

American astronomer and cosmologist, Carl Sagan, discussed the fine art of scientific thinking in his book The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark. He argued that logical thought is not only critical to the pursuit of truth in science, but in reading the book today we can apply Sagan’s advice that will allow us to make intelligent decisions in a world of fake news and innuendo.

BrainPickings does an excellent job at summarizing some of Sagan’s tools which comes from his chapter, The Art of Baloney Detection.

• Wherever possible there must be independent confirmation of the “facts.”
• Encourage substantive debate on the evidence by knowledgeable proponents of all points of view.
• Arguments from authority carry little weight — “authorities” have made mistakes in the past. They will do so again in the future. Perhaps a better way to say it is that in science there are no authorities; at most, there are experts.
• Spin more than one hypothesis.
• Try not to get overly attached to a hypothesis just because it’s yours.

This is important. Logical thinking, not emotional thinking, will keep us safe from those seeking to manipulate us. It means that our own personal standards of ethics, morals, and the understanding of the world around us is one that we see which is informed by truth. I suspect that if we all spend more time listening and thinking critically, one by one we will help make a better more accurately informed world … at the very least, we should be able to evaluate our own arguments before presenting them to others.

I’m learning that I am not certain of much. And that’s ok. In fact, being uncertain is a pretty good place to be and gives freedom to seek new answers, ask better questions, and ponder the unknown.

Challenge what you know. Challenge what you hear. Challenge what you think.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Contact me and let’s write your story.

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I’ve been working on a photography series and I thought I’d share it with you today. Freedom – JP,  is still evolving but features photos from lovely Jamaica Plain, Massachusetts. The locals here simply refer to this Boston neighborhood as “JP”. It is home to a diverse group of professionals, young families, artists, and activists. It was the perfect place for me to land after my life in Sweden providing the support and solace I needed.

Quiet and laid back, the neighborhood contains a number of parks and even some grand country estates, but is close enough to the heart of the city to make the trip downtown in minutes. Harvard University’s Arnold Arboretum is 281 acres of magic during lilac season and is the oldest public arboretum in the United States. There is also Olmsted’s Emerald Necklace that includes Franklin Park, Jamaica Pond, and Olmsted Park. Along Centre Street, JP’s main street, are independently owned restaurants, boutiques, and shops. These streets are lined with old Victorian townhouses and traversed by hipsters, bicycles, and friendly faces. Jamaica Plain was America’s first street car suburb and was once home to poet Sylvia Plath.

I hope you enjoy the photos. There’s more to come but in the meanwhile please leave your comments below.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative.

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I cried yesterday. That doesn’t happen often. I cried until my eyes were swollen, my body exhausted, and the cats freaked out because they didn’t know what to do about me. But that is generally the way – most people (and evidently cats) don’t know how to react to someone’s sadness or tragedy.

The cause of yesterday’s crying jag might have been because I was working on my memoir and memories were stirring deep. It might have been because of the post I read by Final Girl over at Kelly Sundberg’s site*. Whatever the reason, that crying session felt really good.

While I’m not particularly prone to crying, I’ve done my fair share of boohooing over the last year and a half. I’ve shed tears because of family and friends who have been silent. I’ve cried because of arguments with my son as he tried to reach through my trauma. I’ve cried over triggers (always a surprise) and an assortment of issues which were really uncomfortable.

Yesterday was different. I cried for me. I cried for the person I was twenty years ago, the person I was seven years ago, three years ago, and for the person I am today. I apologized to all those women. Naive and trusting. Scared and alone. Empowered and strong.

***

People often tell me how strong I am. They have been telling me this all my life. They tell me so often that it has began to feel dismissive. So, what does it means to be strong and what does it mean when we are told we are strong?

It’s meant to be a reassurance, telling someone they are strong. But very often people think that because someone is strong it means they will be fine. I can tell you, a person who has undergone trauma is not fine and it matters not one iota how strong they are. They are weak and vulnerable. They have been forever changed. Their belief systems have been shaken; so much so that regions of their brain undergo alteration. The tentacles of PTSD or cPTSD can wrap around them causing depression, severe anxiety, mistrust, flashbacks, hyper-vigilance, insomnia, and social isolation. They may heal. They may recover. But trauma will always be a part of their experience.

Roxane Gay wrote, “Just because you survive something does not mean you are strong.”

Domestic violence and sexual abuse are dark icky subjects. We don’t like to talk about them and we don’t want to be reminded of how prevalent they are. These topics make people uncomfortable, often not knowing what to say except perhaps, “You are strong. You’ll get through this”.

But what does that mean? Often it means “peace out”. “You’re on your own.” You’re strong. You’re strong. We don’t have to worry about you. If you need us, then call. But that doesn’t mean anyone will pick up the phone.

Zosia Bielski, writing for The Globe and Mail, reviews Roxane Gay’s new book, Not That Bad: Dispatches from Rape Culture (How irresponsible of us that rape has become a culture). The book pulls together writings of 29 contributors voicing different perspectives of their experiences of sexual abuse.

Bielski begins her article writing about contributor Sharisse Tracey:

Sharisse Tracey was 13 when her father, a photographer, sexually assaulted her after taking her “glamour shots,” photos Tracey hoped would make her feel “pretty and important” at school.

Tracey told her mother, expecting she’d throw him out. Instead, the three of them sat down with a counselor, a family friend who pressured Tracey to forgive her father and, in a bizarre bid to make it all go away, convinced them to take a grotesque family trip to an amusement park called Magic Mountain. Desperate to escape her home, Tracey wrote letters to family, friends and fellow churchgoers, pleading for help. Nobody wrote back.

Tracey’s story is both horrifying and common: A woman survives sexual assault only to face gaslighting and the abject failure of her family, friends and community to help.

There’s a conflict between wanting to do what’s compassionate, responsible, and right, and the urge to turn away. This turning away, even in interpersonal relationships, is what leads to the widespread minimization of abuse and allows it to fester behind closed doors and in dark corners.

What people fail to understand is that when approached by a survivor for support, they often don’t need to say or do a thing. They just need to be there. Listen. Just because someone is strong doesn’t mean they should have to walk the path of recovery alone. They shouldn’t have to be forced to be voiceless too.

There have been those who reached out to me. I’ll be forever grateful. The people who remain close no longer tell me I’m strong. They know I’m strong. I know I’m strong. But we all know that sometimes everyone needs love and support.

*Unfortunately, Kelly Sundberg’s website is offline at the time of this writing. I assume this is in attempt to update the site in preparation for her new book, Goodbye, Sweet Girl, due out on June 5, 2018. Once Ms. Sundberg’s site is back online I will include the link here for you.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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It was a simpler life when our grandparents sat around on a Sunday evening in front of the radio listening to a weekly broadcast. Today, listening to podcasts allows us to recapture the relaxing and informative moments of a bygone era away from computer and TV screens. It really is a wonderful way to relax before bed or better endure a long travel trip.

Here are some podcasts that I’ve come to enjoy. May they serve to also inform you and renew your spirit:

Dear Sugars – The podcast begins each show with a greeting, “The universe has good news for the lost, lonely and heartsick. ‘Dear Sugars’ is here, speaking straight into your ears”. Hosted by writers Cheryl Strayed, in Oregon, and Steve Almond, in Boston, the show fields questions by listeners on a variety of personal topics, deep and dark, and offers radical empathy with each well considered answer.

RadioLab – Devoted to investigating a strange world. Created by Jad Abumrad and hosted by Jad and Robert Krulwich, Radiolab has won Peabody Awards, a National Academies Communication Award “for their investigative use of radio to make science accessible to broad audiences,” and in 2011 Abumrad received the MacArthur Genius grant. The show has an archive of hundreds of episodes and has toured in sold out shows nationwide.

On Being with Krista Tippet – The groundbreaking Peabody Award-winning public radio show and podcast. Conversation about the big questions of meaning in 21st century lives and endeavors — spiritual inquiry, science, social healing, and the arts. What does it mean to be human? How do we want to live? And who will we be to each other? Each week a new discovery about the immensity of our lives. Hosted by Krista Tippett.

LongForm – The Longform Podcast is a weekly conversation with a non-fiction writer on how they got their start and how they tell stories. The show is hosted by Aaron Lammer, Max Linsky, and Evan Ratliff.

Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations – Awaken, discover and connect to the deeper meaning of the world around you with SuperSoul. Hear Oprah’s personal selection of her interviews with thought-leaders, best-selling authors, spiritual luminaries, as well as health and wellness experts. All designed to light you up, guide you through life’s big questions and help bring you one step closer to your best self.

Modern Love – The Podcast features the popular New York Times column, with readings by notable personalities and updates from the essayists themselves. Join host Meghna Chakrabarti (WBUR) and Modern Love editor Daniel Jones (NYT).

Design Matters with Debbie Millman – Probably the first podcast I ever listened to back in 2006 or so, and I’ve been listening ever since. The show is about design and an inquiry into the broader world of creative culture through wide-ranging conversations with designers, writers, artists, curators, musicians, and other luminaries of contemporary thought.

Beautiful Writers Podcast – Join Linda and her celebrity co-hosts (and original co-founder, Danielle LaPorte) as they bring together the world’s most beloved bestselling authors and creatives for monthly chats on writing, publishing, deal-making, spirituality, activism, and the art of romancing creativity. These up-close conversations—with the likes of Maria Shriver, Tom Hanks, Elizabeth Gilbert, Dean Koontz, Brené Brown, Van Jones, Geneen Roth, Martha Beck, Glennon Doyle, Anne Lamott, Rob Bell, Gabby Bernstein, Terry McMillan, Seth Godin, Dani Shapiro, Robert McKee, Marianne Williamson, Steven Pressfield, Arianna Huffington, Leeza Gibbons, Mary Karr, Gretchen Rubin are sure to inspire you.

Do you have favorite podcasts? Feel free to add them in the comments section.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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It hadn’t occurred to me that while I was at The Cape, I was at one of the few places on the East Coast where one can see the sunset over the water.  In this place, time seemed to graciously slip by. Unencumbered by news headlines and political chaos, my mind was free to dream and imagine. Be creative. Photos captured with my new Fuji mirrorless – I believe I’m in love.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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It’s an honor for a writer to know that a story they have crafted will grace the cover of a magazine. Personally, it tells me that my writing has obtained a certain standard – I take that recognition quite seriously and am always grateful for it. For the artists I write about, it is always good news when they learn that their hard work is representative of a publication’s monthly (or bi-monthly) issue.

This summer’s issue of Artscope Magazine (July/August) shows the stunning photographic work of Deborah Ory and Ken Browar’s NYC Dance Project. It was wonderful to work with Ory and Browar, as well as gallery owner Susan Lanoue, for the story.

I include the article for you here.
Photos courtesy of NYC Dance Project.

The Breath of a Dancer

With a single click, a moment in time can be captured forever. It’s extraordinary, really, when you think about it. Occasions, places, and historical events are captured by the internal mechanisms of a camera, by the skill and passion of the photographer, providing us with that which our own eyes may not see. The click of a shutter can capture something so slight as the breath of a dancer.

Choreographer Merce Cunningham once said, “You have to love dancing to stick to it. It gives you nothing back, no manuscript to store away, no paintings to hang in museums, no poems to be printed and sold, nothing but that fleeting moment when you feel alive.”

NYC Dance Project – Ashley Ellis

Ken Browar and Deborah Ory have given us, and the dancers they photograph, something to hold on to. They are the founders of NYC Dance Project which features a stunning collection of 300 photographs of more than 70 elite dancers from companies such as the New York City Ballet, The Martha Graham Dance Company, Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater, the Royal Danish Ballet, Boston Ballet, the Royal Ballet, and The Bolshoi Ballet.

What began as a personal endeavor for Browar and Ory grew into a full-time professional project which, in part, is now premiering at Lanoue Gallery in Boston’s South End. The introductory exhibition will show seven of these gorgeous large format dye sublimation prints on metal. The six photos of female dancers are formatted vertically to 50” tall x 42” wide, and the photo of the male dancer is a large horizontal work measuring 48” tall x 67” wide.

The inspiration for the project began when the couple was attempting to decorate their thirteen-year-old daughter’s room – Sarah is an aspiring ballerina and wanted her room filled with dance photographs. After conducting extensive searches through galleries, bookstores, and the internet, they were surprised to find that images of contemporary dancers were in very short supply. 

“There were beautiful images of famous dancers from past generations – such as Baryshnikov or Markova, taken more than forty years ago – but nothing of the current stars,” said Ory. 

Ken Browar is a professional fashion and beauty photographer whose work has appeared in Vogue, Elle, Marie Claire, and many European fashion magazines. His interest in dance began while he was living in Paris and photographed dancers for the Paris Opera Ballet. Deborah Ory has been a dancer since the age of seven and began her career in photography when she was injured as a dancer, photographing the rehearsals she could not participate in due to that injury.

The team decided that they needed to rectify the lack of photography in the contemporary dance industry. As fans of Daniil Simkin of the American Ballet Theatre, they selected Simkin to be their first subject. He quickly agreed and thus began the NYC Dance Project four years ago.

The point of all this was not just to document dancers, but to collaborate with them to provide images – stories, even – that display the dancers athleticism and love for what they do. It allows us, as viewers, to see the beauty of dance captured for just a moment in time, to experience up-close the emotion of each artist while performing their craft. 

Working with the dancers, Browar and Ory create a mood for each photograph. Wardrobe is selected and lighting manipulated. Great attention is paid to the finest of details – the flick of a wrist, the gesture of a hand, that moment of release right before the dancer’s foot lands once again on the stage floor. The couple is not looking to make the dancer into a model. But to portray each dancer as the subject, not the object, of the photo. They believe that if the dancer is not 100% comfortable during a shoot, the resulting image would never be real.

NYC Dance Project – James Whiteside

Ory writes in their book, “We want to showcase and celebrate the artists as individuals so that our project becomes a diverse portrait of New York’s dance community…Our favorite moments are the simple ones: the breath the dancer takes after a jump, the quiet introverted moments often only seen backstage, or the second, mid-motion, when the dancer feels free. Our project is also a celebration of bodies. Dancers must simultaneously be artists and athletes, and we try to highlight both qualities of our subjects in the photographs.”

The images are all created against a gray background in Browar and Ory’s home studio. Having a constant background and similar lighting throughout the project keeps the focus on each dancer and also provides a personal style for the project. Their camera of choice is a medium format Hasselblad.

“We love the look the Hasselbad gives, and the beauty of the lens,” explains Ory. “The camera forces us to work slowly, and we can only shoot one frame per movement. This means that we have to be very in tune with the dancer and there is no margin of error. Even though it is more difficult, it’s really about timing and finding that special moment. In a way, it’s as close to analog as it can get without regressing to older technologies.”

Martha Graham stated, “In the end, it all comes down to the art of breathing,” and Ory explains that breath is the basis of dance and initiates movement.

“We find ourselves breathing with the dancer as they move – even subconsciously – and this helps us with timing as we only have one chance to capture each movement.”

NYC Dance Project – Charlotte Landreau

Lanoue Gallery is thrilled to bring NYC Dance Project to Boston. “I would like to invite the public to come see the photographs in person. Everyone with whom I have shared the initial images has had the same immediate reaction, ‘WOW! This is incredible!’ I feel fortunate and honored to be in a position to introduce the NYC Dance Project’s artwork to a larger audience. I see amazing things in their future,” said Susan Lanoue.

And indeed, Browar and Ory assure us that they will continue to illustrate dance and movement, and will strive to always provide us with something new and interesting in their work.

NYC Dance Project’s accompanying book, The Art of Movement, featuring over seventy dancers, won an International Photography Award in 2016 for best book. The gallery will have a limited number of books available for sale, and Browar and Ory will be present to personally dedicate copies for gallery visitors on Friday, July 6th from 6-8pm.

NYC Dance Project has been featured in many magazines including Harper’s Bazaar, Italian Vogue, L’Uomo Vogue and Glamour. Their work has also appeared on numerous websites including Today.com, Elle.com, USA Today.com, Huffington Post, and Hasselblad.

The show runs through July 29, 2018.
LANOUE GALLERY
450 Harrison Avenue, #31
Boston, MA, 02118
lanouegallery.com 

GALLERY HOURS:                               
Tuesday – Saturday 11-6
Sunday: 12-4
Wheelchair accessible

You can see more work from the NYC Dance Project on their website at nycdanceproject.com

Pick up the current issue of Artscope distributed at over 700 points in New England. You can see an excerpt of the article here.

Artscope Magazine cover July/August 2018

Lisa Mikulski is a writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative.

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I’m so excited about this issue of Venü Magazine. Knowing how difficult it is to be in the publishing industry these days, I have to take my hat off to Tracey Thomas and her staff. The amount of work that goes into creating a magazine is certainly a labor of love. Venü issues are not only available online but the beautiful print editions, with their satin sleek covers, are wonderful to hold and read. Many people tell us that they keep past issues as collectables. Additional thanks also goes to Nichole D’Auria for always making my stories (and all the stories in Venü) look so gorgeous with her layouts. And thanks to the editors who make our stories so much more readable and grammatically correct.

For this summer issue of Venü Magazine, my article on the work of artist Betsy Silverman graces the cover. This is the second time I’ve interviewed Silverman and like the first interview, I’m still inspired and impressed with her eye for architectural perfection and attention to detail. Silverman creates highly detailed and vibrant scenes of Boston using only carefully curated and cut pieces of paper. All from recycled magazines. Not a single brush stoke of paint nor a hand drawn line exists in her work.

The story opens:

Boston’s Betsy Silverman Makes the Cut

“What defines a successful artist? Is it the amount of sales she makes, the way her work resonates with gallery goers, or perhaps just being able to reap the satisfaction of creating work that is unique and innovative. If any, or all, of these elements describes artistic success then Betsy Silverman is enjoying quite a ride.

“Having first met up with Silverman back in 2017, I found the Massachusetts artist preparing for an exhibition at the Concord Center for the Visual Arts. This summer sees her enjoying an explosion of opportunities, some international attention, and a website displaying mostly sold art. 

“What’s all the fuss? A closer look at Betsy Silverman’s work reveals more than what you think you see.”

Read more on Silverman’s work.

Other contributions to Venü’s summer issue include my piece on Strolling SoWa – Boston’s Art District (found on page 22 using the above link) and one of my photos from Provincetown, Summer’s Start, selected for the issue’s Venügram. To see more of my photography from Provincetown, head over to my most recent post, Time Away On The Cape.

Thanks for reading everyone!

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. Please contact me here.

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Dear Artists and Galleries,

Venü Magazine is providing an outstanding opportunity for artists this season.

Introducing Artist Profiles!

We have been asked by many of the creatives we meet at gallery openings, or the art fairs we attend nationwide, if we could offer artist profiles inside the pages of Venü. To meet these needs, we are happy to now provide the chance for artists to display their artist profile or statement, contact information, and photos of their work in a full page or two-page spread.

Artists, your work will be beautifully laid out for the readers of Venü many of who include art enthusiasts, collectors, and major galleries. Not only will your profile and work appear in our beautiful satin covered print edition, but online as well – our digital magazine is always available and can be used as a new powerful marketing tool standing as one of your Press Pages for outreach.

See Your Artwork Here

Every season, Venü media partners with a number of high profile art exhibition venues. This autumn/winter we are partnering and distributing Venü at the Boston International Art Fair, Los Angeles (WestEdge Design Fair), Chicago’s SOFA (Sculpture, Objects, and Functional Art) exhibition, and of course, Miami’s Art Basel. And let’s not forget this is in additional to all our regular subscribers of Venü.

2018 marks the 8th year Venü has been indulging affluent readers with cutting-edge editorials and captivating visuals dedicated to the world of luxury. From the most alluring artwork in the world, to delicious dishes by famous chefs who share their culinary secrets (and sensational stories), to impressive yachts and posh places to stay when traveling to the hottest destinations.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. She’s presently working as Venü Magazine’s marketing director for the Boston area. Her words and images are available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative.

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Once when I was in Gothenburg, I was abandoned on the street at one o’clock in the morning by my fiancé. The buses and trams stopped running that late at night and so while he jumped into a cab to get home, he left me behind. On purpose.

He was angry at me. I don’t know why, I rarely knew why. Maybe he had gotten embarrassed that evening or a comment was made by someone that he didn’t like, and as usual the anger and punishment was dealt to me.

I didn’t have the money to take a cab home myself. So when he phoned me from his ride, I asked him if he would he pay the fare for me when I got home. He told me to walk. He wasn’t going to pay two fares. 

That was a shocking event because that was when I realized that my fiancé, the guy who was suppose to love me, not only didn’t have my back but he had actually put me in a dangerous situation. He abandoned me on a city street in the middle of night with no way home. If he would put me in danger once, chances were good he’d do it again. I should have left him the very next day, but hindsight is always 20-20.

I bring up this event because the Kavanaugh hearings are triggering rapid fire memories for me. And it seems to me that these two situations are quite similar. Much like my fiancé, not only is our government not caring about women’s safety, concerns or rights, they are actively encouraging the degradation of women’s safety. This is not OK. This is not what a government should be doing to its citizens.

It has been repeated over and over that the GOP is catering to “their base” and make no mistake their base is learning. A cold blatant disrespect for women has been shown to be acceptable and applauded. Don’t listen to women, in fact, ridicule and mock them. Don’t worry about rape and sexual harassment, in fact, go right ahead and help your self to their bodies – There will be no repercussions or accountability. Seriously, the guy might even get a promotion out of it.

On Wednesday I went to 7-Eleven to buy a copy of the New York Times. You know, the issue where Trump’s finances were reported on no less than seven pages of copy. It was the longest article the NY Times had ever written. It was to be comprehensive and precise. I wanted that hard copy.

As I was waiting in line at the cash register, a man elbowed his way in front of me. He told me “back up lady, I’m next in line.” Well, words were spoken and I can tell you there was no way in hell I was going to back down. He told me straight out that he didn’t need to worry about manners or societal norms because I was “an entitled white bitch”. Who the hell did I think I was? Voicing my anger at his behavior meant that, as he told me, I was “rude”. He felt perfectly fine, and justified, in pushing me out of the way to serve himself. A scene ensued, the manager was called, and later I left the store wondering if that belligerent asshole was going to follow me home or perhaps shoot me in the street.

Our government today is sending a message to all of us – women don’t matter. If you think that the statistics on abuse towards women are bad now, just wait. They are most certainly going to increase. They will increase because our government has given the message that it’s ok to do so.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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Artist Katie Swatland has an amazing story. It was my pleasure to help her tell it.

My most recent piece for Venü Magazine:
Katie Swatland’s Alchemy Visions, Curiosity Without Bounds:

In the winter of 2016, artist Katie Swatland covered all her clocks to eliminate the illusion of time, hung a “do not disturb” sign upon her studio door, and stepped into a journey of self imposed artistic isolation for 29 months. She re-emerged on June 11, 2018 finally feeling the need to share the fruits of her labor – the Alchemy Visions collection – nearly complete with the exception of three final works. 

She is an intriguing individual, as is evidenced not only by her art but the way in which she sees, reflects, and interacts with the world. While many artists proclaim their work to be multi-disciplinary – it’s quite trendy these days to do so – Swatland is the real deal. Because of an intense curiosity about the world and its cultures, her art is informed with layers of meaning – expressions based on ancient philosophies, the natural sciences, history, folklore, and mythology.  

Having trained for sixteen years in the art of oil painting, Swatland also received a degree in mechanical engineering and has a passion for theoretical physics. It is this background in scientific learning, I believe, which allows her to intellectually explore and ask methodical questions of nature and the unknown. 

The start of Alchemy Visions began, as most journeys do, with a first step …

Katie Swatland – Venü Magazine

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Nearly everyone has had the experience of reading a paragraph or a page in a book, getting to the bottom of it, and then realizing they have no idea what they just read. In 2017, this was happening to me on a regular basis. In fact, it was happening all the time. As a writer, not being able to focus or comprehend reading material was obviously problematic.

This had never been an issue for me in the past. Prior to my experiences in Sweden, I had laser focus. But after my return to the US, I found I could read news articles and the simple short posts people would write on social media, but I couldn’t focus on longform or fiction. My abilities to research and to stay on task were also significantly reduced.

Why the change?

I had been diagnosed with cPTSD in 2017 (actually the diagnosis was PTSD because cPTSD has not yet been included as a diagnosis via the DSM). The hypervigilance I was experiencing, I learned, had a great deal to do with my reduced brain power. You can’t concentrate on reading if your brain has been trained to focus on survival.

If I was unable to recapture my ability to focus and do the deep work required to be a writer, I was going to have to give up my career and seek a job at Stop & Shop or become a Cheese Specialist at Whole Foods (yes, I seriously considered these job opportunities). This just didn’t seem like a very good option for me.

“You must look up executive functioning.” That was the message my brain gave me one morning when I work up. I think my response to that was something along the lines of “What? You mean like in the government?”

As it turns out, executive functioning, controlled by the prefrontal cortex, is a set of mental skills which help people organize, plan, and complete tasks. Executive functioning also directs behavior and motivates us toward achieving our goals and preparing for future events. Executive Function and PTSD: Disengaging from Trauma published at the US National Library of Medicine was a very helpful article. I also learned that I could repair or “rewire” my brain, but it was going to take a lot of work and energy.

I started with children’s books.

I had heaps of books in my to-be-read pile. These included such things as E.O. Wilson’s Consilience, Neil Gaiman’s Good Omens, and Katherine Alden’s Bear and the Nightingale. But I couldn’t complete them. I was constantly distracted by stupid things.

I was also taking a keen interest in learning physics (mostly because I really wanted to understand what the hell my son was talking about) but I couldn’t grasp the academic papers or books he was providing me. The odd thing was, and I have no idea why this was the case, that I could read for hours about Narcissistic Personality Disorder and recovery from narcissistic abuse. I couldn’t get enough. But NPD was simply something I wasn’t going to spend the rest of my life reading about. That was “his” problem, not mine.

It was finally on Thanksgiving weekend 2017 that I decided I was going to sit down and read a fiction book even if it took me days/weeks to do it. I was going to read that one book and comprehend it. That was my job for that weekend. Just that. I started with Ender’s Game by Orson Scott Card.

It took me over a week to complete Card’s book. But I did and each time I found my concentration wandering, I brought it back to the words on the page. I did that over and over and over. I knew that each time I refocused, I was retraining my brain. When I finished Ender’s Game, I moved on to Charlotte’s Web. From there I concentrated on Fairy Tales. And then there was chick-lit, Norse mythology, Roxane Gay, and Seven Brief Lessons in Physics by Carlo Rovelli.

I researched a lot about executive functioning (thanks, brain!) and during one study session, I discovered Srinivas Rao on Medium. Rao also has a wonderful podcast called The Unmistakable Creative. But in Medium, I came across his piece entitled, Starting Your Day on The Internet is Damaging Your Brain.

Rao writes, “I’ve said before the first 3 hours of your day can dictate how your life turns out. And this often begins with the very first thing that you decide to put in your brain. You can either start you day with junk food for the brain (the internet, distracting apps, etc) or you can start the day with healthy food for the brain (reading, meditation, journaling, exercising, etc). When you start the day with junk food for the brain, you put yourself at a self-imposed disadvantage that inhibits your ability to get into flow and prevents you from doing deep work. When you start the day with health food for your brain, the exact opposite happens.”

Because of all the work I was investing in getting my executive functioning back on-line, Rao’s article led me to believe that checking my email and social accounts first thing every morning was quite counter productive to my mission. So, I stopped. I began taking my coffee outside to the porch and waking up to the blue sky and birds in the yard. I began writing Morning Pages. And I started to meditate.

I meditated all the time. In the morning. In the bath. On walks. I had never considered meditation to be an aid to focus attention. I always believed that its main purpose was to empty one’s mind. I focused completely on my breathing. Each time my mind wandered, I gently brought it back to the breath knowing each time I did so I was retraining my brain.

While I believe cPTSD was certainly an issue with my inability to read comprehensively, I also believe that the distracting influence of social media trains our brains to accept mere sound bites of information and enforces lack of attention. If we constantly are digesting sound bites, our brains adjust to those limits of information. I recently bought a new mobile phone. There is not one single social media application installed on it. I feel pretty good about that.

It’s now been almost one year since I began that journey starting with Ender’s Game last Thanksgiving. It was a lot of hard work and it was extremely enjoyable. I believe my ability to concentrate is higher than it has even been, as is my ability to do deep work. I think, and I hope, that my writing has improved. I’ve so far read twenty-two books of fiction in 2018 as well as hundreds of news articles, longform pieces, books on neuroscience and physics, and many books on narcissistic recovery.

What a gift this has been. A gift that I gave to myself. And I appreciate it so much more than before I moved to Sweden, because rather than taking my ability to focus for granted, this is something I worked for.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer and photographer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Focusing on art, design, life experiences. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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‘Narcissism becomes particularly “malignant” (i.e. malevolent, dangerous, harmful, incurable) when it goes beyond mere vanity and excessive self-focus. Malignant narcissists not only see themselves as superior to others but believe in their superiority to the degree that they view others as relatively worthless, expendable, and justifiably exploitable. This type of narcissism is a defining characteristic of psychopathy/sociopathy and is rooted in an individual’s deficient capacity for empathy. It’s almost impossible for a person with such shallow feelings and such haughtiness to really care about others or to form a conscience with any of the qualities we typically associate with a humane attitude, which is why most researchers and thinkers on the topic of psychopathy think of psychopaths as individuals without a conscience altogether.’”

• Because if I can assist one other person in escaping from this type of abuse, or even better, avoid it altogether, then my writing has been of value.
• Because, whether or not I ever mention his name, I wish to hold him accountable.
• Because there are those, as I once was, who will not know about this pathology and will be drawn into a vicious game of kill or be killed.

If the above seems familiar to you, if you are in a situation such as I have described, please know you are not alone and there is help. Please dial your emergency phone number if you are in immediate danger.

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Finding your new personal narrative.

Human beings have told stories for 40,000 years. Whether by written or spoken word, or pictures painted on cave walls, these are the tales of our experiences, our culture, and history. Story telling has been core to the human experience since forever. But what makes a story true and what deems a story worth being told? And more importantly, what about the stories we tell ourselves … about ourselves?

I’ve written stories for many years now. Whether I’m interviewing an artist, a Yemeni activist and journalist, or ten Swedish superwomen, I’ve always endeavored to capture the authenticity and truth of my subject. The narratives that I’ve told myself—about myself—over the last two years, however, have been usually quite harsh and often untrue. I think this is the case for many of us as we reflect on past mistakes or engage in self-degradating emotions. There is no fact checking for our inner critic. But it is these negative self critiques which we most often use to define who we are.

This is especially true for survivors of narcissistic abuse, who after escape or discard from the narcissist, can barely remember what their values or goals were—the threads of their identity having been wiped out by gaslighting, emotional abuse, and cognitive dissonance. The narcissist is a master at identity theft and as a result it’s often the voice of the abuser which resounds in the minds of victims even after the abuser is long gone.

For example: As I sought to recapture my identity after trauma there were two stories.

1. The story of how I returned home to the US, battered and bruised with only the belongings contained in a small suitcase. I was homeless, penniless, and found that I had lost many of my friends … my best friend, in fact. I saw myself as broken, damaged, and unwanted.
2. The story of how I stood up for myself and walked out of a toxic relationship telling my fiancé, “I have had enough”. I returned to a city which I love and was embraced by my wonderful son. I made new friends. I acquired lovely clothing which better reflected my sense of style. My written voice became stronger. I saw truth, found wisdom, and I started down a path toward a more empowered life.

Both stories are true. But I chose the second story as a foundation for writing an updated personal narrative for myself and my future. Choosing this narrative also set the stage for greater growth in self care, self love, and self affirmations.

The idea of creating, or rewriting, a personal narrative began when I picked up a book entitled “The Wolf In Your Bed” by Jill Harris. The author describes how we can retell or reform our personal stories into something more meaningful after trauma. This retelling does not dismiss trauma or truth, but it looks to open the hood of a negative narrative and provide an alternative, more knowing, more positive slant.

As I began to play with narrative therapy, I also discovered “Retelling the Stories of Our Lives” by David Denborough. Denborough is the co-founder of the Dulwich Centre Foundation in Australia which works with individuals who have experienced significant adversity.

According to the summary for Denborough’s book, “The book invites readers to take a new look at their own stories and to find significance in events often neglected, to find sparkling actions that are often discounted, and to find solutions to problems and predicaments in unexpected places. Readers are introduced to key ideas of narrative practice like the externalizing problems – ‘the person is not the problem, the problem is the problem’ – and the concept of “re-membering” one’s life.”

For a writer such as myself, this was a very exciting idea to put into practice. I had filled already three journals trying to find my way to recovery. Most of the narrative, while being self reflective, was also very harsh. There was no real path to enhancement, and quite frankly, the writing was very ‘boohoo’. Narrative therapy changed the way I saw my situation and changed the trajectory of my life.

Perhaps the biggest turn in my recovery came when in Denborough’s book was an exercise involving the drawing of a tree. The drawing of this tree is thought to be a way in which individuals can look at their lives from another viewpoint.

The first step involves drawing a tree which has a positive association. The tree needs to include some important elements. It needs to have roots, ground, trunk, branches, leaves, fruits, and nuts. These elements stand to represent certain aspects and goals that we have.

Denborough’s tree

The roots represent where we come from. Here we write words and brief statements about our childhood, our favorite places, our family, culture, neighborhood, or important people at the start of our life.

The ground serves as the place for noting activities that we choose do to during the course of a week. Not “ToDos” but the things we like to do.

The trunk represents the area for writing words and statements about what we value. What we care about, the abilities we possess, and the accomplishments we have made throughout our life.

The branches serve as our horizons, our hopes, dreams and goals. So, on each branch I wrote a dream or a wish, past or present.

Leaves on the tree represent people who are significant to us. This could include family members, loved ones, pets, and heroes. These people could be those in our past, our present and those who have passed away. I represented the people who are no longer a part of my life (such as my fiancé and old friends) as fallen leaves. Denborough described a woman who had issues with her mom and husband—the woman drew those people as being the part of a compost pile.

The fruits on the tree represent gifts that have been passed on to us. Flowers and seeds represented the legacies we wish to leave.

I spent a good number of hours drawing this tree (it was therapeutic) and it was at that time I realized that my Swedish experience (which I had represented as a branch) was only ONE branch on that whole beautiful tree of my life. It was a broken branch offering only a few leaves, but the important point was that it wasn’t my whole tree … it was just one branch.

I found narrative therapy to be an extremely useful tool. Sometimes it was very difficult to confront emotions, but sometimes it was a lot of fun too. Do you have thoughts on this or have you tried narrative therapy? If so, please share your thoughts in the comments below.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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During a recent rant with my therapist, I was telling her—in a rather manic way—all the things that were frustrating me about recovery from narcissistic abuse.

I explained that I felt my sense of self motivation was abysmal (in comparison to my past self) and self discipline was lacking. I told her I was still having trouble expressing myself, realizing any sense of accomplishment, confidence, and I explained this whole notion I have of moving from victim to survivor to warrior. It just seemed to me that it was all an incredible amount of work and I wasn’t progressing fast enough, strong enough, smart enough; and why the hell was all this recovery stuff taking so god damn long anyway?

She looked at me with a wide eyed, knowing smile, “Give yourself some grace,” she said.

It stopped me short. What a beautiful turn of words. I wrote it down. And then I began to consider what was meant by “grace”. 

I have used the word in the past when I was referring to my attitudes and opinions toward recovery. It meant that I would not become an angry or bitter person, and that I would handle disappointment, adversity—my life—with some semblance of grace and humility. But this was an outward giving. These ideas, to me, meant notions of compassion, kindness, and forgiveness toward others. I had not considered bestowing grace to myself? Ever.

I Googled “give yourself some grace” … because sometimes the most obvious things are a puzzlement to me.

Grace is a reprieve. An unexpected kindness.

As I sat and thought about grace—a reprieve in and of itself—I realized this was different from self care … because sometimes self care can almost seem like just another chore. And perfectionism can be counterproductive to progress.

We could say that grace towards oneself would go along with the adage of “don’t be so hard on yourself” but it’s more than that. Grace is about accepting. It’s an unexpected gesture of kindness … toward ourself. It’s become a mantra for me now, and as such I remember:

I am exactly where I need to be in my recovery.

I am exactly where I need to be in my life.

How many times have you made a mistake or beaten yourself up over something you thought was not enough? You are enough. Just the way you are. Give yourself some grace.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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Many people wonder how it is that we get entangled with a narcissistic personality that is not only abusive but is hell bent on destroying us. How could this possibly happen? I too was ignorant of how victims get caught up in abusive relationships. Until I learned.

“There must have been signs,” friends say.

“How could you have not known?” family asks.

“What was it about you that attracted this abusive individual into your life?” says your shrink.

The truth is, one of the hallmarks of narcissistic personality disorder is the narc’s ability to very effectively hide the monster within until it is time for him to begin his campaign of devaluation. This is known as the false face. In fact, the narcissist constructs an entirely false reality. 

There are three phases of narcissistic abuse: Idolization, Devaluation, and Discard

Most, if not all, people who have been victimized by a narcissist will tell you about the magical start to their romance. While I’m referring to intimate partner violence in this essay, this fairy tale beginning is also noted in business and workplace relationships. We see it frequently in politics these days as well.

The beginning of the romance is unlike anything we’ve ever known before. We like art. He likes art. We like hiking. He likes hiking. You have so many common interests it’s like you’ve met your twin flame. The narc is charismatic, charming, and completely engaged in learning all about you. He presents himself as someone who is financially secure, professionally successful, and one who has many friends. This new wonderboy in our life is supportive of our hopes and dreams, and those of our friends as well. He seems sweet, and sincere, and sometimes quite vulnerable. Who wouldn’t love a guy like that?

This is what those of us in the narcissistic abuse recovery community call “love bombing”. It is the first phase of narcissistic abuse – idolization. There are flowers, gifts, and dinners out. Text messages are sent to our phone every morning wishing us a “good morning darling”. There are vacations and plans for the future. He’s sent a playlist of all our favorite songs and those which have now become – “special love songs”. The narc’s target is in heaven and can’t believe her luck at finding someone so thoughtful and perfectly suited to her. This is a ruse.

During the idolization phase, what the narc is actually doing is mirroring our personality and learning everything possible so it can be used against us in the future when the devaluation portion of the program comes into play. He’s learning our vulnerabilities, our strengths, our successes, our family history. He’s learning what we love and what terrifies us. Yes, yes, once we have been targeted by a narcissist, he is indeed very interested in everything that is us.

The narcissist does not do this simply to woo the target, although that is a very big part of the narc’s scheme. The narc is needy and void of any true personality of his own. The thrill of a new romance works for him as well … in terms of what is referred to as narcissistic supply. Like a vampire needing blood, the narc needs supply. Adoration. He needs to fill gaps in his own personality. All that attention and excitement of a new relationship is supplying the narc’s endless need for ego fulfillment. The narcissist is an attention addict.

The over-the-top romancing is also meant to entrap the victim so that later, during devaluation, the victim wants, and tries desperately, to rekindle that glorious early stage love affair. Devaluation usually happens very quickly (sometimes over dinner) and the victim is left with staggering confusion, believing that they are somehow to blame for their partners sudden change of heart. The devaluation stage is where the abuse lives.

Prior to devaluation, what the victim fails to see is that no matter how convincing the love bombing is, it isn’t love. The narcissist is not capable of love, or empathy, or compassion, or remorse. These characteristics are lost in the deep void of the narcissist’s damaged brain and so the narc studies others, learns how to replicate emotions, and leaches off the personalities of those closest to him.

There is a spectrum for Narcissistic Personality Disorder

H.G. Tudor, a self proclaimed malignant narcissist, classifies narcs into those who are the “lower”, the “midrange” and the “elite”. Tudor provided me with many an “ah-ha” moment. His mission is in weaponizing empaths who are usually the narc’s greatest and juiciest snack. The empath will always seek to fix or remedy their lover who seems to be in pain, and will always look for the good in others.

The spectrum for NPD spans a graph line from those who are egotistical and display entitled self importance to those who are malignant narcissists. The DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health) outlines nine traits of NPD. Psychcentral also has a good article on these nine traits.  Some at the higher end of the spectrum – the malignant narcissist – can be sadistic, and even sociopathic or psychopathic. Tudor’s classification concerns those narcs – the lower, midrange, and elite – showing differences in the playbooks of behavior and self awareness of their own exploitive manipulations.

Even if you are dealing with a moderate narcissist, please know that this is a very dangerous individual.

NPD is a personality disorder. Just think about that for a moment. It is a personality disorder.

Because of the narcissist’s false face, it is unlikely that the psychiatric community will really learn the true nature and sadist behaviors of NPD. It is the victims of the narc who stand as experts. We are the ones who have lived with the narcissist and have seen and experienced first hand the crazy making, destructive behavior of Narcissistic Personality Disorder. We have been on the front-lines of verbal, psychological, and emotional warfare. A narc is never (unless forced by a court of law) going to seek therapy (there is nothing wrong with them, right?) and even if they do, that false face will reflect whatever the psychiatrist wants to see … or whatever the narc wants them to see.

And that is how we become entangled with a narcissistic personality. They are master manipulators, showman, and actors. But there are red flags and I will write about that in an upcoming article.

*While I refer to the narcissist in this essay as male, this is not to imply that narcissists can not be female or transgender.

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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Artemisia Gentileschi (1593-1653), was a painter so gifted, and of such high caliber, that she was included in my traditional art history education — traditional art history, of course, being the study of white men creating for the visual arts. To understand how important this inclusion was, you need to know that during my study of approximately 500+ years of art, I can only recall perhaps four female artists being a part of the curriculum.

Artemisia was bold in her depictions and strong willed in character. Her paintings and her personal life reveal an extraordinary woman who worked hard to secure a career which eventually found her a place in history. Her work has not just resonated over the last 400 years, but today is more relevant than ever in light of the MeToo movement.

Despite success during her life time — she was eventually accepted by the Accademia delle Arti del Disegno and she received commissions from around Europe — there were many obstacles and her artistic acknowledgment was hard won. She was treated with disdain from her more “serious” male counterparts. Her work was often attributed to her father — during her life and after her death. And one incident was so severe in nature that it overshadowed her work, ruined her personal reputation, and changed her life.

Artemisia’s Youth

She was born in Rome on July 8th, 1593 to Prudentia Montone and Orazio Gentileschi, and it was her painterly father, Orazio, who undertook the training of his daughter as an artist. It wasn’t long before he recognized the genius that lay within his child.

It was rare for a female to be working in the fine arts during the 17th century. The Gentileschi’s were not a particularly wealthy family, so it was due to Orazio being a professional painter which provided Artemisia with the opportunity to learn the craft. This was not a time period when women were encouraged to pursue careers. Nonetheless, Artemisia was a painter, and that was exactly what she was going to do.

Her early orbit consisted of some of Rome’s greatest artists and this included the incendiary master painter Michelangelo Merisi da Caravaggio, known to us as Caravaggio. Caravaggio, my personal favorite and the artist which changed the course of my career, greatly influenced Artemisia’s work in the use of dramatic chiaroscuro — the vivid rendering of light and shadow on canvas.

At age sixteen, she produced one of her greatest works, Susanna and the Elders (1610). Artemisia’s subject matter was typical for Baroque painters — historical, religious, or military themes — but what makes her work truly remarkable are her interpretations of these themes. Male artists tended to depict women as shy, demure, silk and ribbon covered, characters. Artemisia’s women are strong, capable, and fierce. Her compositions are bold, close to the canvas, and in your face.

Having received her early training by her father, she sought to further her education seeking admittance into the art academies. Those schools, however, rejected her and it was decided that she would continue her work under the tutelage of one of her father’s associates, Agostino Tassi.

The Rape of Artemisia

It was at this point, that Artemisia’s life took a turn. Tassi raped the 17 year old Artemisia. Snaking his way into her bedroom, he forced himself upon Artemisia. She fought back.

According to the court transcripts (1612), which are still available today:

“He then threw me on to the edge of the bed, pushing me with a hand on my breast, and he put a knee between my thighs to prevent me from closing them. Lifting my clothes, he placed a hand with a handkerchief on my mouth to keep me from screaming.”

“I scratched his face,” she testified, “and pulled his hair, and before he penetrated me again, I grasped his penis so tight that I even removed a piece of flesh.”

But she was physically outmatched.

After Tassi was done with her, she rushed to a drawer and retrieved a knife. “I’d like to kill you with this knife because you have dishonored me,” she shouted. He opened his coat, taunting her, and said, “Here I am.” She came at him with the knife but he shielded himself. “Otherwise,” she said, “I might have killed him.”

So angry and devastated was Artemisia, that Tassi took her hand and promised to marry her thus restoring her honor. According to transcripts, she said his promise did, in fact, “calm her”. Remember, Artemisia was very young and I have to believe also, in a state of shock. To make this story even more disconcerting, unbeknownst to her, Tassi was already married. Over the next several months, Tassi continued to have his way with the young artist and it wasn’t until he reneged on the proposal that Orazio pressed charges.

The court hearing lasted seven months with Artemisia being tortured by sibille (a process where ropes were tied to her fingers and tightened) to determine her truthfulness. There were various witnesses who testified as to the vile character of Tassi — he had already been imprisoned twice before, once for incest and the second time for arranging to have his wife murdered. There were other charges leveled against him as well. He was believed to have raped his first wife and then while living with his wife’s sister, he fathered children with her.

The judge eventually ruled in favor of Artemisia and Tassi was sentenced to five years in prison. He never served his time. As a commissioned artist, he was protected by Pope Innocent X. Artemisia, however, humiliated and with her reputation in tatters, fled to Florence and was quickly married off to Pietro Stiattesi.

Florence and Artemisia’s Revenge

Once in Florence, Artemisia saw immediate success and it was in that city where she began working on several versions of the Old Testament story of Judith and Holofernes. It was a theme which galled her, and she returned to it again and again over the course of seven years.

The story of Judith and Holofernes is about a woman who plots, with the help of her hand maiden, to kill a warlord who’s besieged her city. Judith, the heroine, slays Holofernes by beheading him and saves her people. It was a common theme in art history, but Artemisia gives it a whole new visage.

Finally in 1620, on a 199 x 162.5 cm canvas, we see Artemisia’s final revenge.

Artemisia Gentileschi – Judith Slaying Holofernes (c. 1620)

Here is Judith and her hand maiden with their sleeves rolled up past their elbows. They are not demure but focused and resolute as they stand over the writhing body of Holofernes. The maid uses both of her hands to forcibly pin him down, and Judith has put her knee upon the man’s chest.

And there he is, Holofernes. Flat on his back, eyes wide open and aware, as Judith slices her sword across his throat. Blood spurts and gushes from him covering the white bed linens and spraying droplets across Judith’s bodice and breast. With her left hand, she grabs a hold of his head, hair entangled between her fingers, as she completes the deed.

One more important element. The face of Judith is a self portrait of Artemisia, and the wide eyed frenzied face of Holofernes is that of … well Tassi, of course.

I do not wish to sensationalize the work of Artemisia Gentileschi for she is, first and foremost, an exceptional artist. Much has been made of the rape of Artemisia whereby some scholars feel the violation of the artist and its pursuant court hearing overshadows her fine work. They believe that to attribute this work to her trauma is to belittle her talent. I wholeheartedly disagree.

The work of Judith and Holofernes may well have been a theme Artemisia simply choose, as did her male contemporaries. I know, however, that trauma changes a person. Forever. You can’t go back and that trauma must in some way be exorcised.

I included the transcript from the hearing because I feel strongly that along with her artistic expression, readers need to hear Artemisia’s voice. It is my belief that she knew exactly what she was doing as an artist, did so deliberately, and like other survivors of abuse, she prevailed magnificently. Who says that one can not be a great artist and still express a personal narrative. Even a traumatic one. To think otherwise, is to diminish the strength and the reality of that artist. We are, all of us, a canvas of our experiences.

Sources:

Mary D. Garrard, Artemisia Gentileschi, Princeton University Press, 1991.

Alexxa Gotthardt, Artsy, Behind the Fierce, Assertive Paintings of Baroque Master Artemisia Gentileschi, June 2018.

Jonathan Jones, The Guardian, More Savage than Carravaggio: The woman who took revenge in oil. Oct 2016.

Mary O’Neill, Smithsonian Magazine, Artemisia’s Moment, May 2002

Barbara Gunnell, Webcitation.org, The Rape of Artemisia, July 1993

Jennifer Dasal, ArtCurious Podcast, Gentileschi’s Slaying of Holofernes, Episode 42, Oct 2018.

Sarah Cascone, ArtNet News, A New Book Uses 400-Year-Old Court Transcripts to Recreate Baroque Painter Artemisia Gentileschi’s Rape Trial, Author Joy McCullough, April 2018

Lisa Mikulski is a freelance writer based in Boston, MA. Available for print or online publications. Editorial, features, content development, and creative. She is presently working on her first memoir.

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